Conspicuous family

We heard the phrase "conspicuous family" quite a bit in our adoption training, including some funny (and other not so funny) anecdotes from adoptive families.  Here are a few examples of our experience over the past few weeks as a family that now stands out - these things have actually been said to us (no joke).  I should note, however, that unless something is blatantly obvious, we've probably missed it because we're too busy, well, being a family! 

When all five of us are present:

• "Oh, you must have really wanted a little girl to dress up!"
• "Two little boys - looks like you had to adopt to get the girl you dreamed of."

Any of you who know me personally know how laughable comments like these are. 

When Adam and I are out alone with Abbie:

• We've received countless comments from people offering parenting advice because clearly, if we adopted Abbie, we couldn't possibly have other children that we're parenting.  Adam now stops them pretty early into the conversation with something about Abbie's older brothers - this seems to do the trick.
• In general, we seem to present an open invitation for people to strike up conversations about their husband's cousin's uncle who adopted a child. 
• Similarly, people feel like it's their right AND responsibility to inform us that all baby girls adopted from China were thrown away in trash cans. (Yes, they say this in front of our sweet, precious, treasured daughter who was adopted from China.)  To this, my bite-your-tongue-and-don't-lose-it-in-the-face-of-such-ignorance response is something along the lines of, "Well, of course every situation is different.  While what you've described is not our daughter's story, far too many children have overcome incredible situations before joining their new families."
• And finally, there are the comments about how wonderful it was that we adopted rather than give up on our dream of a family.  You know, because adoption could only be a last resort for families wanting a child.  Our response to this is along the lines of what the parenting advice givers get - something about Abbie's older brothers and how blessed our family is to have Abbie. 

Here's the deal, folks - we're just a family.  We're a family with two little boys and one little girl.  Can't we just leave it at that?

Our little conspicuous family has been very busy the past four weeks since returning from China.  Here is a little snippet of what Abbie's been up to:

Lots of swinging at the park.

Playing Mr. Potato Head on the bathroom floor sitting in the bath tub seat. (This was all Abbie's doing.  I was merely the observer.)

Playing with brothers in the backyard.

Going for "bike rides" with Daddy.

 

Lots and lots of wagon rides around the neighborhood, and in this case, the back patio.

Smiling sweetly at Mommy.

Posing for the obligatory Easter morning shot with brothers.

And just being generally adorable.