Adam's guest post: How's Your Spirit?

"How's your spirit?" she asked over the phone.

"Fine! My spirit is fine!" I answered with as much intentional gruff as I could muster.

But of course, my spirit was not fine. It was angry and bitter.

Carrie called at 2:30. I arrived home a few minutes before from a trip to the Chinese Consulate located in downtown Chicago. She asked last Monday if I'd be able to make my fourth trip to the Consulate. I told her I'd be happy to. I like going downtown. It provides me ample opportunity for two of my favorite hobbies as I ride the train - reading and people watching. And, most importantly, it gets us one step closer to bringing Abbie home.

So, this morning Carrie gave me instructions.

Whenever she instructs I get confused.

Oy. Veh.

Well, she talked for about 5 minutes, and I think I distilled it down to 3 steps. Give the Visa applications, along with the self addressed envelope, to a Consulate attendant and say, "These are six Visa applications. I would like for them to be sent back to us in this already-paid-for envelope." I would then pay the application and processing fee using a credit card.

Another part of the 5 minutes. I have no idea what that page is about.

After she gave her instructions, I went to our family room to talk with our boys. "Hey boys! I'm going to the Chinese Consulate to turn in some paper so we can bring Abbie home! How does that make you feel?"

Brayden, our oldest, said, "Yay!" Gavin seemed to be stuck in his little Gavin world.

But, as I was leaving, Gavin asked, "Where are we going today?" I replied, "You are going to school."

"NO!" He yelled. "I WANT TO GO TO CHINA!!!"

Despite the yelling, it was freakin adorable. Probably the best part of my day. It was soon to go downhill.

But before it went downhill, I went to Panera.

Because I like their coffee. I got dark roast.

Thank you friendly Panera people. Your coffee is so yummy.

Then I arrived at the Linden Station in Wilmette. I took this picture not so much so that I could show you, but to remind myself that I parked in spot 203. I've made a few extra trips to my car because I've forgotten the number. To quote my then 93 year old Grandpa, "I have a good forgetter." I blame genetics. They make a good scapegoat.

The entrance to the Wilmette Purple Station

Since this is my fourth time riding the CTA to the Consulate, I remembered the steps to get a parking token. The CTA person who sits in the booth didn't even have to come help. I was quite proud of myself.

But, then I forgot. It was bound to happen. As I searched my wallet for my CTA card, it was nowhere to be found. I forgot that a few weeks ago I took out 5-6 cards from my wallet and put them in my car's glove compartment. So, even though I'd done my best to avoid an extra walk to my car, I had to go back. My CTA card was not in the glove. I searched my wallet again. Nope. Since I'm a pastor, I won't write what I said. But it was something like, "Ahh, shucks."

So, I had to purchase a transit card. NBD. Only $5 down the CTA tube. I then hopped on the train, took my seat, and began reading.

It's a pretty good book. I'd recommend it. So far I've learned that you should acknowledge your children's emotions and help them express those emotions. It also suggests setting firm expectations and doing activities that foster connection with your children. Time-outs are inherently about disconnecting, so they aren't so good. Instead of time-outs, calmly help your children describes their feelings, explain your expectations, and then provide/suggest connection building activities. Kurcinka is big on "Play-Doh."

Here was my stop: Chicago and State.

From Chicago and State to the Chinese Consulate, you walk by Holy Name Cathedral. It's a big, giant cathedral. It has a calming, peaceful effect on me every time I walk by it.

The Chinese Consulate is located in the building "One East Erie." I arrived at 10:30, walked in the front door ...

... signed in ...

and walked into the Chinese Consulate.

It was relatively busy, but I thought I'd be able to make it before they close for an hour long lunch break at noon. I took my number from the machine.

Fortunately, they were on number 233. I only had to wait for 20 people. It usually takes about 3 minutes a number, so I figured this should take about an hour. The numbers flew by quickly. But, at about 11:20 number 247 was called and someone took cuts! Then another person took cuts! I was mad! The nerve of these people - taking cuts! Seriously. Go back to 2nd grade. And then attendants who allow said people to take cuts. So rude!

It was soon my turn. I walked up to the attendant and said, "These are six Visa applications. I would like for them to be sent back to us in this already-paid-for envelope."

"What???" She replied.

I repeated myself. She said, "You want a group Visa? We don't do group Visas. Only individuals."

Of course, I never mentioned the word "group," but I decided to let it go. "Okay," I said.

"Do you have your money order?" she asked.

"No." I responded. "I was going to pay with credit card."

"You can't pay with credit card or check for return mail. You have to use money order. And this application is no good. Your in-laws have an Oregon address. That's not in our jurisdiction."

"Umm ... Well, my in-laws have a second home in Illinois. Can I put that address down?"

"Yes."

"Okay. And the money order. Can I come back later?"

"Yes. You need to come back later today. Oh, sir." I knew this was about to get worse. She had a stern look on her face, like she was about to do battle. "What is this foundation you work for?"

"It's an educational foundation.

"Oh. An educational foundation, huh?"

She stood up and left for another room. Didn't tell me anything. She was gone for about five minutes. I texted Carrie. "They need a money order today. I cannot pay with credit card." "What?" She replied. "They accepted credit card when my boss got his visa." (Carrie's boss recently had to to to China on business.) "Okay."

She came back with a document that had "STATEMENT" written on the top. "You need to fill this out to explain your employment. And you also need to change your in-laws address. What do you do at this foundation?"

"I educate people about conflict and peace. I try to make the world a more peaceful place." The irony will soon become very apparent.

So, I filled out the forms ...

and then texted Carrie about them. Let me paraphrase her texts and the resulting phone conversations we had:

"YOU DID WHAT???? GO BACK IN THERE! That employment statement means that your visa is only good for 30 days from today - not 12 months like we'd applied for. We won't be going to China for another month and a half. THAT'S A $140 MISTAKE! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY ANOTHER $140 TO UPDATE YOUR VISA!!!"

I went back in and became one of those people who take cuts. I walked up to the attendant and asked, "Does that statement of employment mean I'm going to have to come back and pay $140 again because it has expired?"

"No," she responded.

"But it does expire," I replied.

She took a deep breath. "Sir. It doesn't expire."

I took my own deep breath and said, "Okay. Thank you."

So, I called Carrie and told her that it won't expire. At which point Carrie said, "No. Let me quote that document you signed. 'You only have 30 days from signing to travel to China.' Go back and get your document. We can resubmit your visa request when we get closer to leaving."

At this point, I was flat out ticked. But I went back. And I said, "I'm worried I'm going to have to pay another $140 because my visa will expire before I even travel to China. Can I take my application back and turn it in later?"

"Sir. It won't expire. It's not a problem. Besides, your application is already being processed and I can't get it."

I walked away mumbling, "$&*^%@!" Then I called Carrie with the news. She said very matter-of-factly, "Well, we may have to pay another $140."

I hung up and walked to the train, took a seat, and buried myself in my book. The passage I read claimed that sometimes kids just need space. HA! I laughed. I needed space. Fortunately, the person sitting next to me left within a few spots. Unfortunately, some dude got on and took the seat. The Wilmette stop is at the end of the line. As more and more people got off the train, and more and more spots opened up, the dude just sat next to me. His shoulder touching mine. "DUDE!" I wanted to yell. "GO SIT OVER THERE!" But I held it in and took deep breaths to calm myself.

You can't get away from humans. We're social creatures. When you're ticked, people are there. When you're happy, people are there. I'm trying to adopt a child into my family. She hasn't asked for it. In a sense, we're just going to get her. Hopefully it'll be a better life for her. But who knows. Which got me thinking. Maybe we're kind of like the dude who, despite all the open seats, sits next to you. Why did he sit next to me!?! Why didn't he move?! And why couldn't I take that stupid application back?!?

So many questions. Learn to live with the questions because sometimes you don't get adequate answers