Grandma's guest post: Abbie in Wonderland

Five years ago, I started this wonderful adventure called “Grandparenting.” The events over these past few years remind me somewhat of Alice in Wonderland, falling down the rabbit hole and discovering all sorts of curious twists and turns along the way. As our daughter’s due date came closer for our first grandchild, we tried our best to guestimate when the new little one would arrive. For any prospective grandparent, trying to time their cross-country visit to coincide with the impending birth of a grandchild, is hard to predict.

Expecting our first grandchild, a grandson, I eagerly paced the halls and classroom of my middle school, where I taught Leadership and Keyboarding classes, waiting for news. When “the call” finally came, I abandoned who-knows-what was going on in the seventh grade classroom. I immediately went out and sat in the hallway, scribbling down vital statistics, waving at the principal who happened to be strolling the hallways looking for wayward teens lingering at their lockers. Living thousands of miles away from our daughter and son-in-law, we arrived some two weeks later to get our first glimpse at perhaps the most amazing baby ever born.

With our second grandchild, also a grandson, we hoped to get there in plenty of time to not only see the first few moments of new life, but to help watch his older brother at home. When the baby came an unexpected three-and-a-half weeks early, however, we found ourselves getting the news that birth was imminent, and we were thousands of miles away. I happened to be at a Ross Department Store, at the cash register, when I got the call. I started scribbling down the vitals on a receipt, while the cashier patiently waited for me to conclude my call and resume checking me out. “I have a new grandchild!!” I eagerly told EVERYONE in line! “Yes, we assumed so!” When we arrived days later, he was still in the Infant Special Care Unit, and we were able to see him and hold him.

Assuming their family now complete, I focused on spoiling my grandsons in the best way I knew how, never thinking that there might possibly be another grandchild, and a GIRL at that! “Mom, are you sitting down?” I was asked by my daughter, as I happened to be senselessly strolling through a local department store one day a little over two years ago. Paraphrasing her, she said, “Now, don’t go right out and start buying pink, but we are beginning the journey to adopt a little girl!!” The buggy I was pushing immediately took a detour to the little girl department, and it hasn’t strayed off course much since then. I’ve been told to “simmer, Mom, simmer.”

Outfits Grandma made Abbie for Christmas

This adoption path has led not only Abbie’s parents, but also her grandparents, down some interesting and, at times, painful detours. There have been many “Braxton-Hicks contractions,” many false labors. Initially, we thought the journey would lead to Rwanda, where tens of thousands of children were orphaned following the genocide in recent history. As I read many adoptive parents’ blogs, my heart ached both for the children without parents and the parents who longed to expand their family through adoption. The “Gotcha” and “Family Day” videos made my spirit soar, in happy anticipation of the day Abbie would join our Forever Family. I read of the horrifying personal accounts of survivors of this tragic chapter in Rwanda’s history and shared it with others. The day it became evident that the adoption hopes for this country were dashed was incredibly sad. Remembering the countdown photos for which our grandsons had posed each month, highlighted by celebratory toasts at significant milestones along the journey, only deepened the feelings of loss. I had contemplated many times in my imagination what it would mean to see those bright blue gates and the “Land of a Thousand Hills” firsthand and to meet the nuns who had lovingly cared for the children.

After processing the situation and regrouping, hope once again emerged that Abbie was actually continents away in China. Much like the way the news of Abbie’s older brothers’ births were indelibly stamped in my memory, I recall where I was when I got the call that Abbie’s referral had come! On my way to help with our son’s wedding, I had to pull over to the side of the road to hear the most exciting news! Within days, the first photos emerged. Talk about “Excessive Happiness!” A mother can only stand so much!

Long story short(er), the journey began again in earnest, and this Grandma of two boys AND a little girl has not been slacking in the least! Over the past two years, I’ve worked Abbie’s story into MANY conversations! Ladies waiting in line for fabric purchases at JoAnn’s have heard her story, as they mused along with me on which fabrics would be best for which little girl patterns. Christmases have not been complete without Disney Princess dress-up clothes, homemade outfits, sparkly red “Toms” shoes, red wool hats, dolls, and even her own Christmas ornament and stocking! Just the other day, while in Target shopping for….yes….another cute outfit, an outburst of “ohhhhh…….so cute!!” registered on every Grandma’s radar within 100 yards. We all nonchalantly slipped down the aisle to see what “said cute outfit” looked like. It would be a shame to overlook something CUTE!!

So, as we reach the final stretch, I’m walking in downtown Chicago in a winter wonderland of snow today, clutching the packet of visas for travel to China which I just picked up at the Chinese Consulate. In contrast to Adam’s difficult visit a week ago, everything went very smoothly today. There was no additional charge to extend Adam’s stay in China. There were no lines at all; in fact, with the inclement weather, there were only four people in the entire office! I thanked the attendant at the window and exited through the revolving doors downstairs, perhaps for the last time, and out onto the snowy streets of downtown.

I stopped along the way (ok, it’s actually NOT right on the way) at “The American Girl Place” at the Water Tower to once again contemplate whether I should purchase “Ivy”, the Chinese girl, NOW or wait, as my daughter suggested. Hmmmm…..if YOU were Abbie’s Grandma, what would YOU do??! Gazing at the displays yet one more time, I decide to “simmer, Mom, simmer.” Somehow, I WILL wait!

Back on the train, I nervously looked back over the set of instructions that my daughter had given me, to be sure I was headed in the correct direction and not down another rabbit trail. Providentially, a child was traveling on the same line with her father. Every thirty seconds, she exclaimed in a LOUD voice, “We’re going to Howard, right, Dad?” Thanks! I picked up on that little hint and realized that the term “out of the mouth of babes” has merit!

When I returned to my car, it was covered in snow! I must get back home soon, as “I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date” … with my grandsons!